At what point do you allow yourself to be excited for a date? Honestly. How about the first? The second? The fourth? That could be a big one for you both. Four dates is noteworthy.
I wonder how many potential relationships have been ruined by the need to suppress excitement. You’re aware of its presence. You think of it. You even feel yourself relenting to the tiny butterflies that want to float around your head. Yet, you swat them away. Kindly.
Dating is a game of chess and emotional poker braided together. You want to be deliberate in each step to remain prepared for a counter - and your response to such. No party wants to reveal themselves too early. Who wants to make the first, obvious, move that can’t be undone?
A good number of us are afraid to.
Mentally, you’re positioning yourself for longevity. You don’t attend four full dates just to melt away another three hours. That was the purpose of the first three evenings together. However, let’s not get too connected to a set number here.
No matter how many nights you’ve spent with this new person, where is your exhilaration level?
Are you subduing it because of your views of the dating landscape?
It makes sense to protect your heart. You must. This topic has been humming subconsciously on my mind. It brought up an old date and the fear she battled at the first moment she felt herself beginning to “like a boy.” I can’t say if it held her back on her search for romance but even she had to continually ground herself at the possibility of feeling positive about someone. Me? The guys before me? The one(s) afterwards? She was mentally and emotionally blocking her own progress. She wasn’t right, nor was she wrong.
Does everyone date in this manner?
With dates lined up on a conveyor belt, it would be unfair to yourself - and unhealthy - to be tripping over with glee for each one. That sounds excruciating and exhausting. There’s no way to keep that pace. To feed it. Especially, if the majority of these meetings are first dates. It sounds more like punishment for kicking a bird in a past life. Don’t ever do that!
People unquestionably attend dates with invisible, emotional, walls erected or they’re encased in spear-protruding undetectable bubble wrap. It’s a defense. Some hide it better than others. Obviously.
Drinks may flow, games are enjoyed, laughs over puppy-love stories are exchanged, etc. There may be kissing and even sex…but the happiness that wants to crawl to the surface is kept hidden. Buried under expectations of the past that ultimately led to heartbreak and disappointment.
Maybe the first phone call was a chore to complete but you felt enough of a bond to meet for pie slices at your favorite desert bar. Once together, everything takes off stupendously. He isn’t shy in-person. He’s just one million times more comfortable in your physical presence than he was on the phone call that was clunky half the time.
You leave each other with a great hug. You didn’t kiss but you both lingered for three-to-five seconds where you could smell the cinnamon from his mouth and he got the vanilla and almond bouncing from yours. You send the “I’m home” text 30 minutes later. He responds with a bouquet of rose emoji.
Can you bask in the aura of that pleasant interaction?
Will you allow yourself to?
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