A considerably ample amount of women hate the idea of a coffee date. Just the actual thought of allowing the premise to form inside your brain. This is before you actually take three seconds to compose yourself to invite her to a café as a casual way to poke and prod at a possible connection that could spawn romance. (Wrong. Dinner unlocks love I suppose because eating with a complete stranger spawns romance and has a high probability of leading to a wedding ceremony that’s grown too elaborate to scale back?) It seems to be a lapse in judgment to suggest caffeinated beverages as the anchor for a first date.
Why?
Effort.
It comes across as lazy, uninspired, and a way to book a date without considering the factors women have to address once a day and time for the first date is confirmed. Women either buy a new outfit - or borrow one from a close girlfriend - for said date, and freshen their hair and nails. In California, especially Los Angeles, where a single wrinkle on a woman’s face is exponentially more dire than global warming and the cost of rent combined, her pre-date process also includes an aloe-avocado facial, a full skin treatment, and hair removal. Let’s be adult about this. Degenerates.
I lived with an ex and witnessed her pre-date ritual firsthand. She had steps that I still don’t have today. The majority of her time was spent taming her hair. I shower, shave or trim my line and facial hair, moisturize, dress, add a little cologne, eat a snack, brush my teeth, floss, mouthwash, and leave. I check off the same list whether I have a date or not. Mostly. My hair doesn’t take daily maintenance; cologne isn’t an addition every 24 hours.
I don’t agonize over clothing as my closet has an answer for any atmosphere. Museum? Club? Sports arena? Picnic? Dinner? Beach? Fancy event? Snooty charity ball where the ticket holders are more proud of themselves for donating money and working with the organization than being invested in the issues the charity is hoping to remedy? These people are atrocious. Anyway, my wardrobe works everywhere.
A woman’s closet is no different but she wants more choices. Also, the need to accessorize takes delicate crafting. Her favorite blazer might blend with the top she adores but she could overheat depending on the amount of stops on the date and if the place has aggressive air conditioning or not. Add earrings, other jewelry, and the buckles and metal stylings on some of her footwear and it can become overwhelming. I’ve watched many women want to throw everything away when I suggested a spontaneous date.
Women do enter a first date with an abundance of tasks that need to be cleared beforehand. Can we all agree on that?
Good.
Add any city where she has to drive to the location and it’s clear why a date for coffee will get ignored and turn her off. This should be obvious.
A date also shouldn’t begin with a running tab…before you’re in each other’s presence to pick at every quirk and mannerism that didn’t come through on your video call because you both skim Wi-Fi from the fast food place you live close enough to in order to pick up one bar of signal.
However, in viewing what a first date should be, why is a coffee date so divisive?
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