My schedule got away from me but I found the time to carve out an hour to call a new woman I met in the real world. We both rescheduled one date apiece due to life. The sparse but charming texts exchanged back and forth served as proof that we were serious about booking a real date. She dialed me as I was cleaning dishes after dinner. It was an uproariously comedic 64 minutes. We met three days later on a Friday night. The date was a mistake. Sunday afternoon she sent a text hoping to plan another.
“Were we on two different dates?” was my verbal reaction to her message as I glazed syrup atop two ample banana-blueberry pancakes.
I knew that I didn’t want a sequel because I was on the first date. There wasn’t enough there to do it twice. Now - full disclosure - I’m someone that will usually be open to grant a woman at least two dates unless she’s a bigot or she hates Star Wars. Oftentimes, there just isn’t enough of a reason to partake in a second round. It’s much easier for both parties to move on to the next single person in a city of millions.
After eating my breakfast, I typed a direct and kind response. Generic in nature, yes, but complementary and succinct nonetheless. There’s no reason to drag one night into something more or to lead anyone on. If the shoe was on the other foot, I’d appreciate candor above all else.
No two humans are exactly the same.
Emotions and dating, though, contain myriad levels of nuance.
A dropdown on the face of my phone, seconds later: “Could you tell me why you don’t want to go out again?”
Nuance.
Should I be honest here? Does she actually want to know the exact reason why one date was my limit?
I could say that I didn’t feel we were aligned on crucial foundational aspects. Well, there weren’t enough that would nourish an extended romance over decades. A fling would be fine in the present. I would be OK with that.
Neither of us drove just to size one another up and learn that she hated how her birth control made her feel emotionally - or if I had a problem with condoms being the main form of pregnancy and STI prevention because of that. None of this came up in conversation even thought it’s specific.
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