The Dating Exchange - Pt. 2
A Friend With Benefits
Lucy: Back for more?
S: Yes. Yes, I am.
Lucy: As for paying for dates, I always try. I’m the annoying girl that won’t stop. I’m very persistent.
S: Wait, what? Persistent with…
Lucy: …with paying that is! I still like when a man offers to pay, but I also like to pay because I can. Because I don’t need a man to pay for me or buy me things. I guess some women like to be doted on hand and foot, but maybe it just depends on who asked whom out on the date. If I asked you out on a date, would you expect to pay?
S: If YOU asked me out I would hope your head wouldn’t spin if I suggested that you contribute. There are times I blatantly request it just to witness the response. For the first date, there’s no question that I expect to pay. However if that first date involves several activities – only if it’s going well – I don’t automatically morph into a damn ATM. A date is an investment of time reserved by an investment of money. I feel that my time is just as important as the lovely lady that I’m sitting across from. Why can’t dating become an equally balanced economic transaction? Men get shafted on this. Usually I cover the first date on my ledger – possibly the second – but she’s coming out-of-pocket…for something. Does my time not merit a financial investment? I think it does. I was raised by a single mother to be a gentleman…not a sucker. Additionally, I’m not a sleazebag who thinks paying for an evening out entitles me to a vagina tour. Those guys are weak. Side note: It’s no coincidence that the women I dated, seriously, were flexible on this topic, just saying. I think you’re cut from the same cloth. It’s infinitely alluring.
How comfortable are you with physical contact on a date? I’m talking about kissing, touching, holding hands, etc. First date or otherwise? What’s with this “two bourbons (that’s 6 in my country)” thing?
Lucy: Firstly, let me just say that I completely agree with you, dates should be equally balanced, unfortunately not everyone views it that way. If you insist on paying for the first date, there’s no question I will pay for the second.
S: You’re reasonable. I appreciate that. It’s so much simpler. C’mon ladies, stop making guys feel weird about the financial aspect of dating.
Lucy: And the two bourbons thing? No idea, haha! I had more than 6 too so I just can’t tell you what was going on in my head!
S: Don’t blame bourbon for the voices in your head, Lucy.
Lucy: I am absolutely comfortable with physical contact on a date. The first date I would say a definite “no” to hand-holding. I feel like that is reserved for serious relationships or at least couples who want to stay together, but certainly still touching. It’s even better if you can get a booth-type seating arrangement so you sit next to each other.
S: Booth seating is a sly trick to get closer. I like it and have used it to varying levels of success.
Lucy: I always find reasons to touch. It’s exciting, stimulating, sets my nerve-endings on edge, makes my skin tingle and it makes my heart beat faster. There shouldn’t be a problem touching as long as you don’t try to slip your hand up my skirt straight away on the first date. That’s for later on, depending on how stimulated I feel ;-)
S: ;-)
Lucy: Kissing is acceptable towards the end of a first date as long as you don’t just grab the back of my head while I’m mid-sentence. I probably wouldn’t want to constantly kiss during though because I actually like conversing with my date.
S: Conversing is overrated though.
Lucy: If it’s the second date or more, kiss away!
S: Cool. Addressing the touching aspect, I always defer to the woman. I let her dictate how much physical attention she’s comfortable with receiving. I agree with you on holding hands unless it’s a relationship and even then I’m not big on it. I do like to kiss and sometimes I’ll get it out-of-the-way halfway before the date is over but I don’t necessarily need a kiss to rate a date as a successful evening.
Lucy: Now have you accumulated enough information for a particular Australian rendezvous yet? Do you try to have sex with a girl on the first date? Even if the night wasn’t that great? And would you say she’s easy just because she had sex with you on the first date?
S: I hope to avoid going on the actual date at all. For real. Ha! I’d rather skip all that and get to the point where her clothes are on the floor. I have to say that I’ve never “tried” to get sex on the first date – although I’m a guy and I want it – because I won’t put myself in a position to be disappointed. What happens if that’s my goal and it doesn’t come to fruition? Then I’m upset and that could influence how great the night could be; it’s being setup to fail. I’ve had the night end in sex when the date portion was “blah” at best…and it was memorable. We didn’t agree on much, conversation was contentious at times, but she was gorgeous. After taking a taxi back to her place she asked if I was coming upstairs. Yes! If I’m agreeing to the date, then at the very least, I’m physically interested. There’s NO OTHER reason for me to meet. Now I stay for other reasons, but attraction gets me there.
She won’t be labeled by me if she puts out on the first date. I mean I had sex so I’m just really happy. I take it as a compliment that she felt comfortable enough to sweat on me and allow me to do passionate things to her. As men, we get praised for getting it on night one whereas women get talked about and shit on. It’s not fair. As long as you’re practicing safe-sex then by all means do it.
Pertaining to the aforementioned “rendezvous,” well, yes I do have an abundance of information. As do you. I’m giving it real consideration. You know that planes land in Los Angeles, right?
At what point during the night, when you like how things are progressing, do you contemplate inviting him to your bed? (Number of dates irrelevant, unless they’re not.) What are you looking for on the first date? What’s a successful first date to Lucy?
Lucy: I’m very glad you think it’s unfair to give a girl shit for having sex on the first date. I’ve never understood why men get away with it and women get called sluts. It’s extremely unfair. Would you call me a slut because I had sex on the first date I had since my 10-year relationship ended?? No, I doubt anyone would. Women have needs as men do, as I’m finding out it’s not difficult to find someone to have sex with. It’s difficult to find someone that you want to have sex with.
As for your question I would have already decided or at least considered having sex with the man that I’m going on a date with even before the date has happened. If I’ve already agreed to the date willingly, not out of pity (that was my last date unfortunately), then of course I’ve definitely considered sex with him. At the end of the date, as long as they’re charming, attentive, don’t seem like a complete asshole, then yes I would definitely have sex with him. And that, to me, makes it a successful first date. It makes me want date number two, only if the sex is good of course.
As for flights to Los Angeles, I actually have a ticket in my name with Virgin that needs to be used by October; I’m just waiting for someone to convince me that it’s worth the trip. I can get satisfaction in Melbourne quite easily, so I need a little convincing, I need someone to make love to my mind before I make such a leap for fear of it being disappointing.
S: I can take care of your mind and everything else. I’m confident that you’ll fly home satisfied (or extend your trip and file citizenship paperwork). The reality will surpass your expectations. I know that autumn arrives around March in Australia so if great weather is a factor, book that flight to LA between March to September. Los Angeles is warm for nine months of the year. You won’t be disappointed as it would be a diplomatic mission of mine to ensure you have a great report to put on file back on your home soil.
The third date is coming soon.
February 13, 2016. This is a journal entry.
The Dating Exchange:
