An aspect of dating that I find to be revelatory and a boogeyman simultaneously is the fact that some singles will never find someone. As raw and heartbreaking as that can be, it is fact. Not everyone gets to experience love. For some, the fairytale is truly one of the animated variety and it will always remain out of reach.
Why isn’t that reality discussed?
Obviously, it’s negative - and intimately distressing and sad. Greeting cards, diamond advertisements, floral conglomerates, dating apps, wedding planners, bridal boutiques, chocolate behemoths, the airline and resort industries, etc., can’t sell an ideal rooted in despair.
You won’t find that marketing campaign throughout the year. It’s not even about the businesses that are buoyed by love, marriage, and long-term relationship stability. No, this is not a piece putting the love economy on trial.
Writing about dating - in general - and my actual, live, episodes on the subject keep it on my mind even at times when I want to ignore it. Approaching one full year of Dating Journal, I repeatedly find myself challenging…myself. It sprouts in the topics I choose to highlight. How I dissect moments of dates - while on them in real-time - and how I reason my way through fully formed perspectives - and those simmering within my subconscious.
A tectonic one that has come to me with so much force that I can’t ignore it as much as I can turn away from a two-for-the-price-of-one sale on ice cream is luck.
That it is necessary to some degree in order to find a great romantic partner. I won’t be convinced otherwise. Good fortune can’t be measured but we can speak to it when we see, feel, and experience it. The existence of good luck directly implies bad luck.
When it comes to dating, love, and relationships, almost everyone wants to be the eternal optimist, right? It harkens back to what I mentioned about jewelers and chocolatiers: Positivity has to be front-facing. Undeniable. A scintillating 25 second commercial to move your emotions, financially.
What about the people in your life? The ones who mean well but throw terms at you that sound akin to:
“Love is right around the corner.”
“The one is coming.”
“The right one will arrive.”
“A soul mate.”
“Don’t look for love.”
“Love will be there on its time.”
“There is someone for everyone.”
Have you heard any of the above? I have.
An eternal optimist can be both genuinely kind and fragrantly dismissive. I don’t think they’re aiming for malice of any flavor. It’s not a flowery discussion if the true warts of life have to be discussed.
We want romantic love to be sacred. We guard it. Protect it with indestructible glass cases, velvet ropes and the finest alarm infrastructure. Recite its virtues and pedestalize it to no conceivable end. Comfort is key in a world where so many feel powerless.
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