The Dating Exchange - Pt. 5
A Friend With Benefits
Lucy: You say you’re “conflicted.” What do you miss about being involved?
S: I miss…hmm. That was a good kickback question, Lucy. I miss kissing more than anything else. After that it’s mostly the little things like smelling her perfume on the bed sheets and the scent of her hair. I have a deep appreciation for the maintenance women undertake in tending to it. Waking up with a face full of it from my girl is always welcome. Conversing for hours in bed is another one I’d add to the list.
I’ve always been conflicted about relationships because half of all marriages/relationships fail. Personally, it seems like a good way to waste a shitload of time only to hate one another, get divorced, fight over the innocent children caught in the middle and the bullshit that is alimony (for either party).
Paying a tax for a relationship’s dissolution is wild. Look, I’m not against the idea of being involved because some people really do hit the romantic lottery but it’s so rare. Do the others not as fortunate to be blessed with a lot of luck even have a chance at longevity? I don’t believe in their viability when factoring all the sacrifices needed to ensure a relationship remains fruitful.
Relationships work, for a select few. I’ve always been more comfortable dating several women – or dating one casually – over being committed to one. I like my freedom and I don’t want to feel suffocated or held back. I’m not jaded at all. Each time I was committed I held close to heart that it was going to end; whether that meant death or breakup. So many people have this idea that a successful relationship has to lead to the altar. I vehemently disagree. There are times that they just run their course. I believe that and move forward when it ends. Eventually an exceptional woman will come along and it will be fun…until it’s not – and I’ll end it. I look forward to my next relationship – mostly – but I’m not viewing that person through a lens of perfection.
Isn’t it funny how all the people coupled up in your life live through you now? It’s funny because there are other times when you’ll probably get chided for being single. (I do now and it makes me laugh.) My friends go crazy over the stories I bring back from Europe. Besides regularly scheduled time in the sack, is the loss of that companionship you once had a big hurdle for you? Is that the secondary part of a FWB deal that appeals mostly to you? Is that what you meant when you stated, “friendship will help to fill some small missing part of me, even if it’s just a little bit”?
Lucy: I wholeheartedly believe relationships take work, but how much work is normal for a successful relationship? No one really knows…
S: I sure don’t.
Lucy: Every relationship is different. Some work, some run their course, yes, but it all depends on the individuals involved. As for your comment: “I held close to heart that it was going to end”, that brings me to this saying, “What you feel, you attract. What you imagine, you create” so maybe having any expectations, good or bad, right from the start is a recipe for disaster. Then again, it would probably most likely just prepare you for any outcome, so I’m divided on that.
S: Good point. It was (sort of) a self-fulfilling prophecy but I wasn’t being negative about the relationship at the time, I don’t think. I think I accepted that it was ending.
Lucy: I was honestly shocked at how many details the coupled up people in my life want! They tell me where to find men. Where to go on dates - and yes I do get the “poor you” for being single and they want to set me up with a friend of a friends brother or cousin, but I honestly think it’s just so they get more stories out of me!
S: Haaaaaaaa! I know the feeling.
Lucy: Who said anything about regularly scheduled time in the sack!?
S: I feel like you’re attacking me.
Lucy: Hush.
S: Hushed.
Lucy: You’re still talking. I’m trying to respond here.
S: …
Lucy: If anything it’s more “scheduled” now being single! Organising dates and times to meet for dinner at such and such restaurant at 7 p.m. with the hope that it will lead to sex.
Yes, the loss of companionship is quite a hurdle for me. I have friends and family that I can talk to about mostly everything, sure, but I was in a 10 year relationship and I didn’t hold back saying anything, embarrassing and all! I would have to say yes that is definitely one of the reasons that FWB is so appealing to me. And yes that is what I meant, I don’t expect to open up completely to a FWB but it’s appealing to at least let someone in. At least in some small way. I feel like it will help me with my “healing”, otherwise I fear I will close off all of my emotions and my heart to everyone. Nobody likes a bitter bitch!
Another date is around the corner.
March 8, 2016. This is a journal entry.
The Dating Exchange:
